March 2013
0 posts
icwok:
a bird flew into my house while i was sleeping
my mom always taught me to be nice with guests so i fed him but he wouldn’t eat
then it turns out that he demanded to be fed in the mouth (or beak?)
rude asshole look at him smiling because he made me his bitch
noonewouldriotf0rless:
m4ge:
Do you ever wonder if the queen of england has ever given a blow job
i do now
snorlaxatives:
petition to make hella a new form of measurement
how to kiss
conversationparade:
[step 1] open your mouth as wide as possible. make sure to stick out your tongue as far as you can, too, since kisses are like, 90% that thing
[step 2] find someone to kiss. you will know they want to kiss because their tongue will also be extended at full length
[step 3] move in for the kill
sometimelow:
if i was skinny and pretty i would be such a fucking whore oh my god
bombliate:
how many murderers do you think you’ve walked past
katrus:
chickensandwich:
grandpa pulls you to the side during a family meal, “kids, i need you to do something for grandpa” you listen closely “i need you to kill me”
like in southpark?
katrus:
I hate it when people act like you whipped out a dirty tampon and started munching on it just because you don’t know who a certain actor is.
Very…detailed
gamsee:
the best way i can describe everything about me is with these pictures of ozzy osbourne
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
jephry:
if someone was covered in paper cuts and you threw them into a pool of lemon juice how long do you think it would take them to die
what circle of dante’s inferno did you crawl out of
katyissuperwholocked:
thekatie-bird:
wouldn’t it be funny if in like fifty years someone made a movie about leonardi dicaprio and the actor that played him won an oscar
familyfriendlyurl:
what if the reason peaches have fur is bc they were made to be petted what if peaches were made to be domesticated not eaten
